`~`but behind the scenes she means the word to me.

The feeling you get when you feel absolutely alone , no matter how many people could be with you.
Thats how i feel right now. Nothing really feels right , for once im actually wishing that the feeling of loving you but you crushing me into a thousand pieces was back. I dotn know what to do , i just want to disappear.
I want to be with my friends and just hang out and have fun , but i cant , just not yet. i was feeling fine until i had my exam and i didnt have anything to worry about anymore, so all my problems came rushing back to me. I dont know what i feel anymore , to be honest i want to be with someone , and have someone to love and them love me back , but i also dont , i dont want to have tol deal with all the problems you have to face to get to the happy point. I just want to be there right now, to have someone to love , hold, be with ,and some one i can tell every thing to , other then my bestfriend. that what i need right now , and i obviously cant get that . I hate how life is always throwing problems at me , but sometimes i dont mind ,m because i end up just learning from everything that happens , but right now that is not what i want. I want to have someone to protect me , love me and just someone that thinks about me , and talks to me. Someone that wont try to hurt me in any way. I just want to go somewhere far , alone , and open , for me to just let everything out. I know this isnt safe for anyone , it isnt right , and i shouldnt do this , but i legit just keep holding everything in , and i have to let it all out soon , or else i will need some major help. Many times ive thought to just let go , and you know , like cut and just let my self pass and let go of everything. but the problem with that is that i cant leave everyone , or anyone in that matter. I love living , but i just cant handle so much at once. I just want one day that i can just let go and have a day alone , and just relax , do what i want and not what others want.

P.S. is is sad that i dont know what to think or who i like , trust or anything anymore?
Well ... i dont know what else to say other then , its exam week , 2 more exams and im done . I miss those who have picked others over me . And that i had the biggest freak out ever the other day , and it felt good.
Uh.. so this is something to everyone out there, something i want to tell everyone;

"I might not have a lot to say, but even if i don't say anything , i still think it. I'm still a person. I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. We're all not that different if you think about it. We might be different on the outside but on the inside we're all the same. Wanting to fit in, be cool, scared to make a mistake and get teased. I might have not lived as long as many, but i do know that everyone wants to be loved , trusted , cared about, and needed. I do know that kids are learning everyday and don't need or want the pressure to be perfect, teenagers aren't as bad as you think they are, yeah we might make a mistake but seriously we're still trying to learn new thing and get what we deserve and parents , well there working hard too, trying to make us kids the best life they can. "

Please know that i love everyone that takes the time to read my posts. <3
thank you to all of you .

Goodbyee . ; <3
iloveyou.

Song -Nice Guys - Kevjumba. <3

*; Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me, maybe?

Time goes by pretty fast ...
But im back to write some more .
I personally havent been having that good of a day .. the holidays are over and i want them to come back cause seriously they were amazing..
I dont know what to talk about ...
But my aunt is finally here , and she hasnt changed a bit (: and my uncle that had a stroke is getting better now , im happy for him <3
In my life , its just been confusing ... the guy i liked a while ago ... he practically thinks im a slut .. i dont know why but he does ... annnd he like haates me . And today i felt really bad cause the guy i sorta like right now asked me to go with him out to lunch and i said no cause i wasnt feeling like going out annd now i sorta regret it ... a looot. but i plan on asking him to go out some time , i dont know when though.
Well ... i dont know really what to talk about at the moment . So ill write soon <3
Id just like to say , thats to all those that actually read my posts. (:

Song -Call me maybe  - Carly Rae Jepsen .<3

*;. Its funny , when your dead that people start listening .

Time can go fast .
I didnt even notice it was that long since i started this new blog . But im back and continuing my new start.
Even through everything i do i cant thank my bestfriend enough for always being there for me , my bestfriend is amazing and i love her to death ! Shes always there no matter what happens and no one could have a better bestfriend , she helps me through everything and if i wasnt for her i dont know where id be right now. Shes there with me every step of the way and i dont know who would want her as a bestfriend. Shes amazing, gorgeous and well amazing . <3
The holidays alll the way ! wooo ! ohmy , its been such a great holiday you wouldnt even believe it . And its going to be even better knowing that my aunt from Vietnam is coming on Jan 7th ! I havent seen her in 4 and a half years i believe and i miss her so much . And the amazing thing is that shes going to be staying for good . i cant wait any longer , she has been trying to move here since she left and she is finally getting to come back . <3
I cant wait to see you again , its only been like a week and i miss you so much , well knowing that i missed you the day before you even left .. well ...
I found it so sweet and cute when you didnt get to see me the day before you left and you said that you already missed me $: Your amazing ... js (:
kaaywell imma go now  (: <3

Song - If i die young - The Band Perry <3

//. heartbreaks, mistakes . how many hits can a good girl take?

I made another blog because i wanted to start fresh.


Grade nine. i love high school. <3
I dont even know what to talk about. i just love the fact that i have somewhere i can just say everything and anything on. i miss this guy so much now that we dont go to school together...
I met this guy i tihnk i like him or i just like the fact that i have someone else that has the same name that i can tell everything to. him and the guy i miss have the same name.. i dont know if it was a coincidence or is it because i picked him because he he reminds me of him...or the fact that im trying to replace him.
i dont know what to think anymore... i know i sorta like them both. i dont tihnk the one guy is attractive or anything but hes the sweetest. BLAH . idontknow , oh well ill contiune another day cause im tired and i have homework.


Song ; Love Life - HeIsWe. <3